But I Don't Even Run From Rain
by HarmonyWasOnceJamesAndLily
Summary: Don't come morning light. Let me live in this moment and enjoy every second of being with you. This night will define me, but I'll pretend it means nothing.
1. STAY

**_Author's Note: This Story Is Based Off Of A Medley Of Sara Bareilles Songs. I Listened To Every One This Morning And I Realized How Perfectly It Fit. All These Short Little One Shots Are Connected, But I Trust That You Don't Want To Read Thirty Five Of Them, So I Made Sure You Can Just Read What Sounds Interesting. And, The Rain Is Their Thing. The More I Think About What I Think Of The Rain, I Always See It Coming Into Play. These All Take Place During Chloe And Aubrey's College Years. _**

* * *

**_STAY_**

_It felt empty. The room was filled with hundreds of people, but I only saw you and your perfection. I didn't care about the boys and their dates. Who took who? What anyone was wearing? I only cared about seeing you and you alone. _

_Our hands were clasped tightly. No one knew about us. No one understood. But we were OK with that. Because it was about each other. No one else interrupted that peaceful and serene setting that we created and enjoyed. All for us. The rulers of our own little world._

_It's raining outside the thick glass windows. Glittering tears clinging to every surface and rushing down the sides in a messy and unsure race. You always loved the rain. You said it gives the earth a clean slate to start all over again. You said that it cleanses the heart. You said you also feel that way about crying. With each tear, you release a measurement of pain from your soul. I always thought you were wise for thinking this. _

_We said we would end but I'm in no the state of mind to give up my happiness. Because you are everything. You are the sun and the moon as they rise and set. You are the grass and the sky, no matter which we walk upon. You are the willow trees and the wind in both of our imaginary worlds. If only you saw how much I appreciate that. How much I appreciate you._

_Please, stay tonight. I know we agreed that by daylight, it would be over. We walked in as friends and out as lovers. Don't let that end. I was lying when I told you it was fine. And when you told me you felt the same, I saw so many hesitances. Society doesn't have to define us if we don't let it. _

_We are skillful liars, you know. And it's going to destroy this beautiful creation that only lasted a night. If we stay, it doesn't have to end. We could be happy. We could teach each other all we've ever known until we become one heart, mind and soul. _

_My hands shake uncontrollably at my sides. Love is always complicated when I'm in the equation. I was raised to believe it doesn't exist. My parents have more of a business agreement than a deep devotion. I want with you what they never had. _

_I want the soft and sweet kisses. The comfort. The big white wedding where you only saw the other person. Much like now when you're the only one I see. I want the white picket fence and children who will run free. I want to watch our kids grown and send them to college. Grow old together and remain devoted. Even in death. _

_Keep your eyes closes. Picture our future. Can you see it? We'd be together forever because, no matter how mad at you I become, I can't stay away. You're addictive. I live to see another day with you in it. _

_Can you picture the end? Because I can see it clearer than us lasting, but you told me love is worth the strife. Don't make me a new person, a believer, and then leave. _

_Stay with me tonight. As long as the light never comes, it never ends. We could drift off together into a peaceful paradise and then, maybe, you'd realize how much I need you. Not your friendship, but your love._

_Stay with me._

_Do you feel it? Do you see my constant tears, hidden behind my fake smiles? They hide because I do not have the courage to tell you what I really want. You talk in your sleep. Do you know that? You've whispered my name the last few nights. Closely followed by "I love you." _

_I wish I could tell you that I dream of us. That I think of all we could be. The big what if's. We already face everything together, but not in the way I want._

_I live for you. Without you, there is nothing to life. Another day, tormented. Told that I am a disgrace. I am not enough. But I'm not. If I can't be with the one I love, I am not good enough to be with you. _

_Please don't say goodbye to this Heaven. It's only just begun. _

_Don't come morning light. Let me live in this moment and enjoy every second of being with you. This night will define me, but I'll pretend it means nothing. _


	2. LET IT RAIN

**_LET IT RAIN_**

_"I wish I was pretty." I told her. "I wish I was brave." _

_She took my hands in her tiny ones and squeezed, smiling the gorgeous smile she reserved only for me. "But you are, Bree. You are so gorgeous. When you smile, when it reaches your eyes, no one can outshine you. You are so brave. You denied your father and his Ivy League colleges to be here with me."_

_From this first day I met Chloe Beale, she had told me we were going to be better friends than anyone in the world. According to her, that started with sharing secrets. Five years later, we still followed that rule. Especially when I felt insecure._

_I smiled down at Chloe. I love this girl. That's all I can ever think when she's around me. _

_"Bree," She asks. The heaviness in the air comes down just a little bit harder with her tone. "What would you do if you owned this whole city?"_

_After thinking a few moments, "I'd make it behave." She giggled and leaned up to kiss my nose. _

_"That's so you, Bree. You know what I would do?"_

_"What?" This topic of conversation came from nowhere, but I could find it going places deeper than before. _

_"I'd make everyone get out and it would just be us. I could live without anyone else if I had you."_

_"Even your friends? And your parents?"_

_"I think so." She rested had back against my headboard and closed her eyes. "I wish the world could hear my wish and they would respect us enough to leave." She whispered. _

_She was listening to the rain. I'd grown accustomed to her strange love of the wetness and its meaning. I always thought of the rain as just a force of nature. But Chloe saw so much more. _

_She welcomed the rain. To her, it was to clean the slate of all the bad things that happen in the world. It was growth and new beginnings. It gave hope because your past could be forgotten. _

_She loved to share secrets while it rained. Because we could say the worst things and the droplets would wash it all away. It's ok to say anything when it rains, because then the words are gone with the rushing water._

_If you let your secrets go during the sun, it would be harder for her to forget. You held all those confessions in your hands until the world cleaned it's slate again. _

_For a while, I thought she was crazy. But now I see. I understand her philosophy. It took a while, but I understand the sense of setting things free. _

_So, I look forward to when the skies darken. When our tears mix and disappear. You can change your mind. You can have a change of heart. You can be enough._

_Now, like Chloe, I welcome the rain with open arms. Let my eyes water and my fears escape my lips, forgiven. I could cry until the end of time as long as this setting never changed._

_New slate, new start. It's the law. So, on nights like this, we confess and accept._

_"I hold onto worries." I told her. "They don't leave. When something enters my mind, it never leaves. I still regret when we didn't make it last on our prom night. I thought we could be something beautiful. I loved you. I just was too worried."_

_Instead of comfort this time, a matching confession. "I think things happen for a reason, but sometimes, I prove my philosophy wrong just to see if I can still feel that sadness. Sometimes, tears should come, but they don't."_

_"I want to be let go." I state. _

_"What do you mean, Bree? You want me to let you go?" She sounded worried, but by the morning, it would be gone. _

_"No. I mean that, I want to be free of everything. I want my parents to die. I hate them that much, but I still seek their approval. I don't understand why."_

_"That is your choice. I understand." She won't tell me I told you so or you should tell someone. Secret time is just that. It's secret. It's safe. _

_"I feel like I'm drowning." _

_"In what stance?" Chloe asks and cuddles up to my side, clasping our hands together again. _

_"The world is filled with so much beauty and sometimes all I see is the bad things. I don't mean for it to be that way, but I can't control it."_

_"But we're getting you help. We're going to join the Bellas. We're going to sing our way through our problems and start fresh. The rain is giving you a brand new ground to start building up from."_

_I kissed her lightly and she leaned her head on my shoulder. Better things were coming._


	3. LIE TO ME

**_LIE TO ME_**

_"Tell me the truth! No more lies! I can take what you have to say! Do you love me or am I wasting all my time on someone who doesn't care?" I threw my hands up in exasperation and then crossed them over my chest. I was done. _

_"I love you." He says, avoiding my eyes. He becomes suddenly very interested in his shoes. He keeps running his mouth about how much, but it's not true. I don't trust him anymore. _

_"Look me in the eye and tell me." He looks up repeats his words, but his frown and his not lit eyes gave away everything._

_"There. Now I know what it looks like when you lie to me." With that, I grabbed my jacket from the couch and stormed out of his house. This was it. I'm not falling for it. Not again. _

_It poured hard outside his front door. Good. This day is not deserving of the sunlight. But he doesn't deserve the beauty of the dark sky either. _

_My shoes pounded against the asphalt road in a pattern. Putting one foot in front of the other in a memorized sequence. Fighting my way back to the better me. The one he never saw._

_If there is one thing I have learned from him, it's never get comfortable. You stay on your toes are you fall. And all things that fall get broken. I feel empty handed. He took everything I knew. But that was where my soul shriveled and died. There was a brand new Aubrey waiting with someone else. _

_Maybe my crush on my best friend was a good thing. It made me realize how much I didn't want him. There is so much better out there for me. I don't deserve it, but I know the world is not fair. _

_His tongue should be burned. His disgusting truths painted on his body. I wish the air turned red when he let out a breath. Then, maybe I would have seen what was coming. He can never break another heart with me around. But I know a few girls who look for that sort of thing._

_I'm lost. But I'm found when I show up on her porch step, red eyed and soaked. This is the end. He stood his ground and I left the battle. But it doesn't matter. I'll win the war._

_The door opened and the smile that graced Chloe's face fell. "Come in, Bree. I have chocolate and chick flicks." She pulled me into a tight hug, not caring that I'm soaked. She smells like vanilla and coconut body wash. Her clothes are a little wet as well. She's just gotten out of the shower. Oh, the memories that are attached._

_She's gotten too used to this. But little did she know, this was the last time._

_"I love you." I choked, but I continued. "As more than a friend."_


	4. THE LIGHT

**_Sorry. For This One, You Do Kinda Need To Read The Last Chapter. _**

**_The Light_**

_"I love you, too." She told me. She was the only one who understood. I was only with him to make my mother happy. But, for years, I'd loved Chloe Beale more than anything in the world. _

_We'd met when we were six. Our kindergarten class was small and when I met eyes with tiny Chloe, she waltzed on over to me and insisted on becoming my friend. My one and only to be exact. The other kids didn't like me. And they defiantly didn't like Chloe's personal space issues. But I didn't mind._

_That was sixteen years ago. She and I had faced everything together. All our firsts were conjoined. My parents didn't approve of me having a friend, but they could never say no to Chloe's parents. They would try, but it's impossible. I know where she got it from._

_I started to like Chloe as more than a friend when we were thirteen. But I didn't tell her. My dad always thought I could find a business man to marry. Her would never approve of me falling for my bubbly best friend. _

_But it looks like I just defied them. Chloe kissed my forehead lightly. Her lips just ghosting my skin. I cried into her shoulder and she lead me to our couch, closing the door behind her. _

_Leaving me for a few seconds to find me some dry clothes, she comes back into our living room with the sweat pants and tank top I only wore around her. To everyone else, I had to look professional and in charge. _

_I went four years with that idiot because he was what my parents wanted. He was the owner of a firm. He was rich. He "respected" me. Not. He cheated on me with the enemy. He used everything I ever told him against me. Boys were trouble. But that's over now._

_"Heaven sent us a hurricane, Bree. He's trying to tell us something." She handed me my clothes and I changed quickly, wiping my eyes dry. Chloe has ambushed my shower before. The side effects of having to use the community shower. And I know she's done the same thing to Beca, but I feel like it meant more. I was there first. _

_"Good thing I don't run from rain." My heart beat fast, still rapid from my confession. _

_"Remember, clean slate. You've got me now. You can talk to me." She sat down next to me and threw my legs over her lap. I leaned my head back down on her shoulder and wiped my eyes again. _

_"Chlo, do you ever feel like you should be sad, and you cry because you feel like you should, but it doesn't really matter?"_

_"Yeah. I know exactly what you're talking about. Like how Ben and I broke up, and I didn't feel sad. I just cried because it made me feel more normal. Like I did care, but I didn't."_

_"I feel that now. It hurt that he cheated, but I didn't really love him." I sniffed and folded my hands in my lap. Chloe quickly unfolded them and wrapped her fingers around mine, intertwining us in another place._

_"Did you mean it when you said you loved me? No lies?" she looked me in the eye and rubbed her thumb across my cheek, brushing away my wet, blonde hair._

_"No lies. I meant it."_

_"Good. Because you have no idea how long I wanted to tell you that myself." She leans into me, her red hair brushing against my skin. And I don't hesitate. What she told me our first year of high school. When we kissed the first time. "If you can see yourself kissing someone, you're in love." Maybe I should have taken that as a sign. We've kissed many times before. And every time, it gets sweeter. _

_Her lips brush mine softly. She takes like strawberry chap stick. I can feel my pulse in my stomach and I lean in just a little bit more, tangling my hand in her hair. _

_I've always loved her hair. I love everything about her, but her hair is my favorite. Everyone thinks she's soulless. Ginger's have no souls. They can't love or feel pain. But she does both. She shows me both. It makes her different and I can always find her in a crowd. _

_Chloe places her hand on my thigh and pushes down lightly, balancing herself against me. We pull apart at exactly the same time, letting out a synchronized breath. _

_"If you can see yourself kissing someone, you're in love." I repeat out loud this time. Chloe smiles that gorgeous smile reserved only for me and pulls me into another tight hug. _

_"I love you, Bree. You don't need him. We'll be alright." _

_"I trust you." I whisper into her ear, my lips ghosting over her skin this time. _


	5. LOVE ON THE ROCKS

**_LOVE ON THE ROCKS_**

_We met for coffee in our café on a rainy evening. The sky was dark and the rain was heavy. It was just the beginning of the summer and things were getting harder. We didn't see each other every day anymore. I had to love her from a distance. And it wasn't working for either of us. _

_I need a raise for all this work I'm doing. But, as do you. We're fighting an uphill battle to keep us lasting. Maybe it wasn't enough. _

_"But maybe it is." You say. I have nothing to show for all my work. I still have to the next four months without her and all our of traditions. It doesn't feel right to perform them on my own. She makes it complete._

_"Maybe we're just bad news, Chloe. You know everything with me is complicated." _

_"But I'm willing to fight. I don't want it to end. What's going to happen when we share a room again next year. I need you. And you don't like to admit it, but you need me, too. We can make it."_

_"I trust you, but this is too hard! I've almost never been an entire day where we haven't talked and now that I've got you the way I want you, I have to wait weeks for a response from you! We're both so busy! I do need you! But we're not being there for each other!"_

_"Do you think this is easy? Do you think that I like the days we're apart? If you want the truth, I can't stand those days! Nothing is the same! I miss you, Bree! More than I ever thought possible! I need you! We can get through this! As long as you're willing to try!" She throws her hands up in distress and we receive a lot of glares from the whole café. But this isn't their business. _

_"Chloe! I'm trying! Don't you see that I'm trying! I text you every day! I try to FaceTime you! I call you! And it's always your mom who picks up and tells me that you're out! What are you even doing? I thought we shared our secrets!" my voice wasn't raised as high as Chloe's, but I received a fair amount of glares as well._

_""I'm tired of that, Bree! Do you want to know why I'm out every day! I'm not with my friends! I don't have a secret boyfriend! I'm working!" She pauses, but says chooses her next words wisely. "Not all of us have a rich father who tends to our every need! I can barely afford my food anymore!"_

_"You, Chloe Beale, are an idiot! You know my dad doesn't cater to my every need! He expects too much of me! I'm so busy because he's trying to talk me into going on dates with his co worker's sons! I always have to tell him I'm doing work, but I don't have anything to show for that work either! Because you're it! You are what I'm working towards! Trying to get you to talk to me! Don't you dare ever say that about me again!" _

_"I'm sorry." She whispers. Her dramatic change in tone brings me back down to earth and I try to take her hands, but she pulls away. She looks frigid and cold as plastic._

_"Chloe, oh god. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it." I try to look her in the eyes, but again, she turns._

_"I know you like to be in control, Aubrey. I understand that. I really do. I know what you grew up with and I know I shouldn't have said anything. Maybe I just needed control for once." _

_"And I understand that. I know I've said it before and I doubt you believe me anymore, but I am trying to give up control. But I am my father's daughter."_

_"No, No Bree." She takes both my hands in hers and tries to look into my eyes. "You're trying. You are. I can see it. You're improving. You are. I shouldn't have said anything."_

_"I'm sorry." I still avoid her eyes, but I let her hold my hands._

_"Bree, look at me." It takes effort, but I meet her gaze after a few moments. Resisting the urge to snap my head back. I don't want to see the pain I caused. "Bree, it's ok. It really is."_

_"No it's not." I whimper. "I don't like hurting you."_

_"Neither do I. But like I said, we have to fight sometimes. It can't be planned. It's like a wildfire. It grows, but it also burns out. And when the wind blows, it burns out all at once." _

_"I know. I believe you. I just don't like fighting."_

_"No one does, Aubrey. But we're going to be stronger because we got that out. Do you really think that I didn't want to talk to you?" She looks hurt but she won't let me turn away. _

_"Yes." I get out quietly. _

_"Oh, Bree. Never. I love you, ok. Get that through your head. I love you. I always want to talk to you. I had to cut the phone line because it's too expensive."_

_"Why didn't you tell me, Chloe? I could have helped you. You can move into my apartment. Together, remember. Together forever. Those are your words."_

_"I know. Can I really move in?"_

_"It'll fix both these problems, Chlo. You should have told me the second you had to cut anything off."_

_"I'm sorry, Bree. I just don't like not being able to do things on my own. I feel like I depend on you too much. You do everything."_

_"No, Chloe. Don't ever doubt yourself. You're the most important thing in my life. You pull your weight and I pull mine. Let's just start all over. Is that possible?"_

_"I'd like that." She stands up and tugs me up with her, kissing my lips lightly and swinging our entwined hands back and forth as we walk out. _


	6. BRIGHT LIGHTS AND CITY SCAPES

**_BRIGHT LIGHTS AND CITY SCAPES_**

_He took everything from her. He left her a catastrophic mess. She was so used to his being there, that nothing really felt the same without him. She told me it didn't hurt that he was gone. It hurt because she had to change again. Back to the better Chloe. And that was hard for her, after being the same so long._

_Maybe a few years later, I'll be in her shoes. Maybe I'll have my heart broken and she'll be there for me. Because I can predict heartbreak, but I don't predict her ever leaving me. I could never live with myself if she left._

_It was our last year of college. Well, of the four years required for our jobs. Both of us were staying another four to acquire master's degrees in teaching and entertainment. _

_It was our fourth year when they both decided it would be best if they ended. No one was happy anymore. And Chloe had told him her feelings for her ex, who she happened to be best friends with, had reappeared. _

_I knew better. I was Chloe's only ex. Unless she hid a boyfriend from me. And we don't do secrets. _

_We dated for a while, actually. From the time we were thirteen until twenty three. We were afraid of being judged. Most specifically, I was. Not by the other kids, but by my parents who were finally coming to see my school. He expected that I'd take up one of the Ivy League schools I was offered into. But I wanted to be with Chloe. Thing was, I'd never told my father that Chloe and I were together. I expected that my grandmother knew. I was closer to her than anyone in the family and she could read my like an open book. But she was the only one. And when she died, I was alone in my secret. _

_It's been three months since. And every day is torture. How does she expect me to share the same bed with her and not reach over to kiss her. (Stupid broken bed frame that we didn't tell anyone about.) Or tell her how much she means to me in a much more than platonic way. But that was my fault. I was the one who was afraid._

_She's still my best friend. I couldn't live without her. But I want, no, need more than that. I want to be the way we used to be. When no one knew and we ruled our own world. When we were the queens and we didn't need anyone else. In each other's arms, centuries could pass and we'd never notice._

_So, as she sits beside me and tells me about it, I take her hand. I don't say anything, but I lace my fingers with hers and listen carefully to everything so says. Trying to get my topic of conversation to entwine. _

_"It's just hard to have to change myself again. He brought out my best sometimes, but I want someone who can always make me happy and have me at my best all the time. I wish he would have accepted me. He didn't understand my philosophies. He didn't want to listen to what I thought about fights or telling secrets. He just didn't care. But I became so used to that with you. I wanted to share it with someone else. I know he loved me and I loved him, but I deserve better, don't I? Someone who will always be there to listen?" She sounded hurt, but comforted. She always told me when heartbreak occurred, emotions go to war. She said the battlefield is wide and the fight is long, but you win the war as long as you're happy in the end. _

_"You deserve someone who makes you feel beautiful. Someone who will always listen. Someone who will except your every flaw and your every philosophy. You deserve someone who will male you want to rise and set with the sun. I've never met anyone like you, Chloe. You deserve the world ." She really did. If anyone deserved everything they ever wanted. It was Chloe Beale. There had never been another person with so much internal beauty. _

_"But I've already found that person, Bree. I loved you, and I still love you, ten years later. But you said you didn't want to come out to your parents. I understand." Her thumb strokes the back of my hand, gently caressing my skin. _

_"But what if I don't care anymore? What if I needed you so much it kills me? What if I can't sleep most nights because I can't wrap my arms around you and curl up to you like I used to? I could never be deserving of you, but you said life's not fair when I told you my insecurities before. You said if life gave you too much, accept it. I messed up the first time because I was scared, but I'm not scared anymore." I let out a sigh and lean against her shoulder. _

_"Then I told you that I believe everyone has worth. I believe you have more worth than anyone. And I believe that I am both deserving and asking too much to have you. But if we both want it, there is nothing keeping us apart but ourselves."_

_"So, is there anything between us right now?" My voice shakes a little and my heart starts pounding in fear. In novels and movies, it's always that simple. But this was life. What if she says she doesn't feel the same anymore? Is there an obstacle? Is it too big to overcome?_

_"Bree, you need to calm down." She says, noticing my mini anxiety attack. "There is nothing keeping up apart anymore." Her lips come crashing down on mine just like they used to. When I'd worry, this is how she'd tell me it would be ok. She would always kiss it better. My mind whirled and anxiety disappeared. I couldn't think anything but "I love you." I get that effect now. _

_The tip of my head to the tips of my toes feel electric. It's the feeling I've come to know so well and crave so deeply. It's the way only Chloe can make me feel. No man has ever been able take make fireworks explode behind my closed eyelids. No man has ever been able to make me feel so whole and complete. But Chloe wasn't a good thief. She stole my heart, but I knew it was missing._

_Everything comes rushing back and I've never hated myself more. Every perfect memory. Every kiss. Every touch. Every feeling. Just…everything. How did I ever live without this? How did I let it go?_

_When air becomes a problem, she pulls away and strokes my hair behind my ear, her fingertips ghosting across my skin and raising goose bumps. I shiver lightly and hugs me tight, spreading her warmth. My body is on fire and cold as ice all at once. Like she said, my emotions at war. _

_"I need you." She whispered. "I needed you those entire three months, Bree. I dated Ben because I thought he'd fill that void, but you need to realize that you're all I ever wanted. I love you, Bree." Her soft lips rest against gently my pale shoulder and I lean my head against the top of her's. I play with a strand of her bright red hair before I respond, sure as ever. _

_"I love you, too Chlo. We're not letting go this time."_


	7. NOT ALONE

**_NOT ALONE_**

_The moment I see the ginger girl in the back off the café, I know my life has changed. It's not one of those love at first sight moments, but you can tell she will be important. It's just on overwhelming sense of future, past and present. You can see this person with you now and you wonder about their purpose later in life. It's what I imagine a physic feels like. _

_She looked like she was sorting sheet music. Her fingers skimmed over page after page, taking short breaks that only took a few milliseconds to take a sip of her coffee. She was immersed in her work. That was something I very much admired. As a dancer, I know concentration is key. _

_Her eyes skim the page, line to line. Stanza to stanza. Lyric to lyric. It's entrancing. I've never been one for physical appearance. I prefer to look into work habits and passion. Not that she wasn't attractive. Her bright blue eyes shone as the corners of her lips tugged upwards in a beautiful smile. Her shoulder length red hair framed her face in a way that made her look like an angel. But it wasn't my deciding factor to go sit with her, coffee in hand. _

_When I sit down in the booth across from her, she puts her papers down and her eyes meet mine. They sparkle like turquoise. Her smile is natural and she looks overjoyed to have company. "Hello, I'm Aubrey." I smile back at her. I expected a handshake or nothing at all, not a full blown hug over the table. Like we'd known each other for years. And it felt like we did. I was overcome with an overwhelming sense of déjà vou. But I could never pinpoint why. _

_"I'm Chloe." Her voice is so cheerful. If I believed in past lives, I would say she was puppy in the last one. And she took the playful and happy qualities with her. It was kind of adorable and annoying in a touchy-feely way at the same time. I didn't know what to think._

_"What are you working on?" I asked her as soon as she released me. A few peals of laughter escaping. Maybe I was just conflicted in the moment. Maybe I like this girl more than I thought I would. Even with her strange greeting habits to total strangers. I could have been an ax murdered and she would never have known._

_"I'm sorting sheet music for my students. I teach middle school chorus. We're working towards an upcoming concert." She hands over her sheets. There was always a reason that I loved chorus over choir. They used newer music. The names of the songs were familiar. Things I've heard before. Sara Bareilles' "Love Song." Taylor Swift's "Fearless." Paramore's "Ignorance." Even a few Flyleaf. The things I danced to. (With the lack of ballet.) _

_"This is nice. I love music. I'm a dancer." I smiled proudly. It took a long time to be able to call myself accomplished._

_"I know! You're Aubrey Posen! I saw a few of your audition tapes on TV the other day! I was really impressed!" _

_"Thank you." I've been recognized before. In much more elaborate situations than this, but I think this means more. Those people made me feel happy, but they weren't there when I needed them. I can tell that she will be. _

_I've been burned. Just recently. I was told by my coach that I was too fat to be a dancer. Just a measly three pounds over sickly thin. I didn't starve myself. I didn't stop eating. But I considered it. And with those thoughts floating around my head at all hours of the day and night, it's nice to genuinely smile again. _

_"No thanks needed. I've always wanted to dance. But I find more joy in teaching."_

_"As do I. I love dancing more than anything. That's why I teach children's and teens classes in a tiny little studio a few blocks from here. I want other people to feel the way about this form of expression as I do."Her Cheshire grin is priceless. If only the mind was a camera. _

_"That's exactly the way I feel! I've been singing from a very young age and I wanted to be a Broadway star. But when I got accepted and did my first show, I adored it, but I found more joy in performing for the younger audience. Teaching them." I could see she understood. She knew what it was like to have so much happiness; you just can't help but share it. That hasn't happened to me since that comment, but I could learn again. She could teach me. _

_"Chloe Beale? Last time I saw you, you were a blonde and up on a stage!" I knew her. I'd met her after the curtains closing. I was her biggest fan. The way she portrayed Amber in Hairspray. That wasn't like magic. It was. In its purest form. _

_"I remember you! You were the really tall girl in the Blackstone Dance Studio sweater! Oh my god! This is insane!" she reaches over to hug me again. "You were my biggest fan."_

_"I still am." And I was. I may or may not have her autograph framed on my wall. But how?_

_"You are so sweet! I like you!" she places a kiss on my cheek. It's friendly, but what if I didn't want it to be? I'd known for a while that I might have been in love. With someone I would never see again. But I am also a firm believer in fate. She'd be injected into my life. Maybe too early. Too late. Maybe forever. _

_"Would you like to come back to my apartment? I'd really like to get to know you better, but I need to stretch my legs out. I can only go so long sitting." Actually, I could sit forever. If I was aloud. I wasn't starving myself, but I was exercising like crazy. _

_"I'd like that." Again, her smile charmed me. Maybe I was in love and I just didn't know it. _

_She packed her bag. Her computer and her papers fitting safely inside a tote. She swung it over her shoulder and entwined our fingers. I wish I could pause time. I would live in this moment. My skin tingling at her touch and her brightly lit eyes making me forget all my troubles. _

_We exited the café, throwing our coffees in the trash bin by the door. "Bye, Scarlette!" Chloe called behind to another red head behind the counter and we were gone. _

_We fell into the same pattern of steps. Still connected by our hands. Chloe was more so skipping than walking, but I think it's just because of that bounce in her step._

_I concentrate deeply on what to say to her. Should I tell her? Do I not know her well enough to make the reveal? Will she still accept me?_

_"What's going on, Bree?" Will she accept me? Yes. _

_"Can I tell you something?" The monsters of my past hide in the shadows. There is her studio. The gigantic fancy one with so many more ballerinas. But she starves them. She treats them like crap and no one pays her a second glance. No one said anything when she tore me down. _

_"Absolutely. Friend's share secrets. And we're friends. It was inevitable." Without thinking, I lay my head on her shoulder and she strokes my hair back gently. "What is it, Bree? You can tell me. I'll always be here for you."_

_"You're making me feel like I'm not alone." It's not a full confession, but I got it out. It's a start. _

_"You don't have to be alone anymore. I'll stay with you now. Let's just go back to your apartment and maybe you can tell me all that is going on. I won't press for it." She knows me too well already. Why am I so easy to read?_

_The rest of the wall back is slow and soft. Our feet don't pound the sidewalk in sequence anymore. It's light, on the tip of your toes steps. Like ballet. _

_Once we reach the elevator, I push the button that will take us to floor seven. The penthouse apartment in a shabby complex. But it's enough. _

_We step in together when I feel the first tear. Chloe closes the door behind us and then I let it out. I'm so used to coming home and crying in my lonely living space. Alone. It's unstoppable. The habit will not break. _

_"Bree..." There is so much in her statement. Just my name, but It's never been said like that before. Laced with concern and…love. I hope. _

_I take of my shoes and throw them at the wall. I crawl into my room and onto the bed. Chloe follows. She was a puppy. She's loyal. And she knows when you're hurting. _

_"Oh, Bree. Come here." She wraps her arms around me. And I instantly feel better. But only a little. It is like déjà vou. But I've never had anyone to comfort me before. I was always left alone as I cried. I've become so used to. It. Crawling into bed and wishing for the peaceful oblivion that never came. I never slept. And when I did, my heartless soul only brought nightmares. _

_"You're making me feel like I'm not alone." I sniffle out again. Chloe ties my hair up with a ponytail around her wrist and disappears into my kitchen. When she comes back with my favorite mug filled to the brim with spicy hot chocolate and soft marshmallows, I know she is to be trusted. She can help me. _

_The shadows here are the same as in the outside world. They haunt me. Just like the rain outside my window. It's there to show my mood. Depressed. Blackened. Practically the living dead. _

_"She told me I was too fat to be a dancer. She told me that I was a disgrace and that I made dancing a laughingstock. She told me ballet is only mean for the pretty. She said I was untalented. She told me to break my legs. She told me to kill…" and that was the end. I couldn't go on. Not another word would come out of my mouth. I relived the memory every second of the day, but I had never said it out loud. Into an empty apartment as I curled up on my living room floor, not worth my bed._

_"Aubrey Posen. You are so strong. How long have you been living like this? Do you come home to cry every day? All by yourself?" she pulls me into her lap and rubs soothing circles onto my back. Which would be awkward, since I am a lot taller, but I'm currently in a fetal position. _

_I nod. "Three months." And it's the truth. Every single day, for three entire months, I braved this on my own. It wasn't just her telling me that I wasn't good enough. It was me. My mind is my worst enemy. _

_"Bree, I will help you in the morning. We are going to fix this. I promise. Together. Forever. I swear. But now, you need to sleep." It's weird to have a stranger in your bed. For me at least. But she made me feel like the demons inside my head weren't real. She made me feel like the shadows didn't define me. It had only been a few hours, but she knew my deepest, darkest secrets. It might not have been that great an idea if I had any common sense, but looks like I got blessed. I told you she would be important. _

_I roll out of her lap and into a ball on my side of the bed. I sit up a little to sip my hot chocolate and then place it back on the bedside table. When my head hits the pillow, I shiver in disgust. Another night. Chloe gets up. She isn't going to stay. A fresh wave of tears escape my eyes and I look up at her with fear and pain. _

_"Don't go. Stay with me tonight." I plead. I don't think I can go another night alone. Another night where all I do is cry. Toss and turn, never falling into the soft, temporary state of mind. Dreading the next day. It's my personal hell. And I've become so accustomed to it. _

_"Bree, I can't. I have work tomorrow." She sighs and picks her bag up, pushing my hot chocolate closer to me and placing a kiss on my cheek. It might be more than friendly this time. I began a panic attack. She's leaving. She can't. She can't go now. _

_"Just for the night? You can leave when you have to. I'll be OK." I won't. And she knows that. She lets out a content hum in response and crawls into bed with me. Despite her tiny size, she becomes the big spoon. Her arm wrapped around my middle. Her breath hot on my neck as she kisses it softly. _

_"It will be OK in the morning, Bree. Everything will work out. I am a firm believer in fate." With that, she wraps her arm around me and I start to drift off into a serene paradise. I see the future. I see myself loving this ginger. And I tell her. I carefully trace "I love you" two times into her pale skin and then I drift off for real. No more worries. I'm not alone. As long as she doesn't leave, everything will be alright. _

_This is the beginning of something beautiful. _


End file.
